Late night, December 27, 2021
I just got home from after office drinking session with my coworkers, we talked about so many things; this city’s night life scene, their sexual experiences ( I didnt talked about mine bcs I dont wannna tell THAT same irony over and over again, y’all prolly already knew every single detail of it) their current crushes, what’s their opinion about dating and relationship, what’s happening at office, and of course work…
One thing that hit too close to home was what my coworker has said, he said that he believes he is worth two times more than what he is currently earning monthly because he is confident in himself and his capabilities.
I was screaming internally like, “HOW TO HAVE HIS CONFIDENCE?!”,
I want to be that confident too, I want to be able to see myself as worthy as the way he sees himself.
It got me thinking like??? di sisi lain, saat ini w lagi ngerasa sampah banget, ngerasa nilai diri w cuma ditentuin dari seberapa banyak hal yang bisa w selesaikan. Ngerasa lagi ada di posisi di mana w nggak punya pilihan, cuma bisa telen apa yang ada. Constantly being told that someone like me don’t get to choose, the opportunity to choose some options is only for the privileged ones (born rich and pretty). Constantly being told that i dont have bargaining power, dan itu bikin w merasa buruk seolah-olah w kucing buluk yang cuma beruntung karena ada orang baik hati yang mau mungut.
Kemaren-maren w bingung nyari-nyari purpose w apa. But now that I think about it, the only think I want right now is the freedom TO CHOOSE to do something that I like without worrying about money.
Tapi ya, w tahu betul, kemewahan untuk memilih ya memang cuma buat orang-orang yang layak.
Saat ini yang bisa w lakuin ya cuma berusaha memantaskan diri, dan minta Semesta buat mempermudah proses w memantaskan diri, dan mempertemukan w dengan orang-orang yang mampu melihat kelayakan diri w.
Btw, boleh gaksi abis mabok berdoa?
THE RAW PIECES OF ME 